i wish i was stronger

the mess at home is beyond comprehension. i constantly avoid reaching home early because of this constant tension between the two old(er) ladies of the house. granny keeps driving everyone to near-insanity with the same questions and wanting to call people and inform them of relatives that have already died years ago. shrieks ensue even before ten in the morning; the mother telling the mother to shut the fuck up and the elder one condemns her for being an unfilial daughter. events like this become more frequent, at least once a day? once every two days?

it's really painful to hear each day. the granny always seeks help to call someone but nobody wants to help. then if someone tells her she's wrong she just screams that we are liars.

maybe i am a liar. but everybody else does that too. (Do i hear a House quote? hehehe)

sometimes she can wake me up at 8 in the morning to tell me to call someone. again. then she would go over to the mother's room to ask her whether she's visiting the family to pay respects and stuff. then my mother gets agitated as hell and either screams or leaves the room. this is followed by the granny returning to her room and getting ready to change and visit them. i don't know who manages to persuade her to change back because i always run out to school early to avoid that part.

this craziness has been dominating part of my brain for a long time now. sometimes i cry myself to sleep at night because i feel so helpless.

what do i do?

no one else apparently gives a fuck, either.

she's about the closest thing as a family member that gives me comfort (with the squishy figure of hers WAHA) but she's driving me mad. and she's literally turning the mother into a mad woman.

i haven't really been able to verbally express this pain (suffering seems a tad overly dramatic, don't you think? -is it "over dramatic"? or just "a tad dramatic"? HAHA I WILL STOP NOW) because they're all busy. and i try to be busy with school too. and what's the point to confiding in someone if they can't change things, you know? i wish i was a stronger person. well i'm trying to be one.

but now i'm feeling like this song. except for the getting laid part larh horh NYAAAAHAAHHHH. but i don't mind being a nun and not get married. the mother already told me to do that a long time ago.


"Strong" by Robbie Williams

My breath smells of a thousand fags
And when I'm drunk I dance like me Dad
I've started to dress a bit like him

Early morning when I wake up
I look like Kiss but without the make up
And that's a good line to take it to
The bridge

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow so before
I'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

My bed's full of takeaways and fantasies
Of easy lays
The pause button's broke on my video
And is this real cos I feel fake
Oprah Winfrey Ricki Lake
Teach me things I don't need to know

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And it's starting to show so before
I'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

If I did it all again I'd be a nun
The rain was never cold when I was young
I'm still young we're still young
Life's too short to be afraid
Step inside the sun

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow

You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame


-nawal

Amazingly Surreal Dream

There was this really elaborate dream that i had yesterday. It was meant to be really scary i guess since there was an evil witch out to kill us all BUT at the same time i was filled with wonder and adventure i ran around the maze in this huge mall (ANTICLIMAX HAHAHAH).

The main arc of the story/dream was the witch that wanted to kill us all, of course. I remembered Naqiah being there, but i can't remember the others. There was a guy with her, but i can't recall his face. But the really fun part was that we were all to die in the way the Disney princesses do heh. So i died like Snow White but instead of the poison apple twas poisoned granola instead (maybe my subconscious is telling me to eat healthy). ANYWAYS i really did remember the granola because the witch actually wrote in the water/air/whatevermedium "LAWAN" which is my name spelled backwards that suddenly changed to "GRANOLA" and the granola actually flew to me HAHAHA AWESOMEEEEE. But i had no idea WHY i ate a bit of it even though i knew it would kill me. I remembered saying to Naq that i will die now and actually dropped to the floor paralyzed. THERE WAS MAGIC IN THE DREAM WHICH WAS SOOOO FUNNNN.

So she and the mystery man ran away after making me invisible on the floor and the witch was chasing them down the stairs while the both of them were desperately waiting for the elevator (it's strange that i know this since i'm supposed to be on the floor dead and unmoving but HEY TIS A DREAM). Then i realised that the paralyzing effects were wearing off and ran to rescue her!!! HAHAHA i think i remember her saying, "i knew you'd come back/wake up" which is what the knight should say.... how strange WAHA. BUT TOO LATE. I WOKE UP FEELING EXHAUSTED AND COULDN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP SO SADOOO.

but i think there were some Friends' references in the dream that i can't really remember, and this humongous basement of the mall where this guy was building some exhibition-thing regarding mummies. Uber weird, but such is the stuff of dreams. =D

The dream is so reminiscent of Caliban's speech in the Tempest for some reason, maybe cos i didn't really want it to end. I think it is also a nice way to end off this post.

"The isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices,
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that, when I waked,
I cried to dream again."

I didn't really cry, but i was kinda wistful, heehee.

NEW UNVEILING!! EHEHE.

alrighhhttttt!!!!! This is ONN AGAIINNN!!!! :D

After about half a YEAR, ISSIT? eheh.

hmmm what do i blog about nowww. Well, tis the new year but due to much slogging for my cousin in the name of -i quote- "charity and goodwill" the momentous enjoyment of life after the A's has been thoroughly SQUASHED. LIKEE A BUGG. haiye. That's what Virginia Woolf calls, "life break[ing] in". HAHA i can't seem to shake off my lit thingy's in my brain.

and I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE RYANNN ADAMSSSS I WANT TO HAVE BABIES WITH HIM NYAHAH!!!! Although I believe jacqie has already called dibbs on him first HEHE. His album"29" is particularly haunting, even when i thought the first album i heard by him (Cold Roses) was SOOOO AMAAAZZIIING. But 29 delves into more morose topics, i guess. specifically DEATHS and a hint of suicidal thoughts, i think. He is one truly amazing lyricist/poet; the way he encrypts his woeful stories of people in his songs is. WOW. I especially love "Strawberry Wine" and "Carolina Rain" because of the crafty way he interlinks the seemingly different stories from each verse and then the instrumental parts for "Elizabeth, you were born to play that part" and "Starlight Diner" is ANOTHER THING ALTOGETHER. GOSH. HE MUST BE AN INFP! LIKE ME HEHHEHEH!!! But the possible side effect from listening too much of his songs is that you'd be swimming in strawberry wine too. -_-"

I find that i'm such a worrywart now, i don't know why. It's just really distressing, thinking about the precarious state of my mother and then my bro always wants me to pay him back for some nonsensical thing i owed himYEARS AGO bloody arsehole. And now i'm staying up to do some things in the name of charity yet again. i would like to continue schooling in mj. HAHA. I shalt have to resume my work then.

And the song is in my head again....

"Strawberry Wine"

Last night in the street collapsed on itself
In fact, it broke right in two
And I fell in
The strawberry vines
Into a pool of strawberry wine
Strawberry wine and clouds
Burning in the desert, surrounded in flowers
But the stems broke the armor
And the morning comes
Until its all just the same things again,Oh god,
Don't spend too much time on the other side
Let the daylight in,
Before you get old and you cant break out of it

My old friend,
Cause its getting winter, and if you want any flowers
You gotta get your seeds in
And I worry about you, why? because you want me to

Can you still have any famous last words
If you're nobody somebody nobody knows,
I don't know
Somebody go and ask Clair
She's been dead twenty years just look at her hair
Strawberry blonde with curls
She gets hair done then she gossips
With the younger waitress girls at the bar, The old Irish rose
Drinking strawberry wine Until it comes out her nose
She spent too much time on the other side,
And she forgot to let the daylight in

Before you get old you'd better break out of it
My old friend,
Cause its getting winter and if you want any flowers
You gotta get your seeds in to the ground,
And I worry about you,
Why because you want me too

This fella downtown, he jumped off a bridge
He was angry about a letter he received from his friend
He fell in
To the arms of the most beautiful girls
That have ever lived in the history of the world

And with nothing left to lose he got screwed
He sold his apartment before they made him move
Then he jumped straight in
To the san Francisco bay
Now he lives on Molly's farm
Picking berries all day

Don't spend too much time on the other side
Let the daylight in

Marty was a kid when he learned steal boats
His dad was a deejay on the radio
He fell in
To a life
Of riverboat crime
Now has the man you see in prison
If you want strawberry wine
Strawberry wine and smokes
He sent a letter to his friend
Explaining one night on coke
He and Clair
Jumped in to the strawberry vines
And lord knows you get lost
On that strawberry wine

Don't spend too much time on the other side,
Let the daylight in

And I'm getting old and I gotta break out of it
My old friend,
Cause its getting winter and if I want any flowers
I gotta get those seeds in to the ground,
And if you worry about me
Don't bother
Why?
I'll be fine
I'm just sitting here laughing
Little old me and my
Strawberry wine

Tis the end...

Once and for all, the Squish-Sponge shalt be going on a hiatus till further notice. I don't think people actually READ this blog, but tis fun to declare nonetheless. :D

AHEM, we shalt inform you if there need be re-direction to a newer site.

ALL THE BEST FOR A LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (We tell ourselves)

pantiheropantiheropantiheropantiheropantiheropantihero

- Lorelai & Rorie

I refuse to believe that watching videos of natural disasters are funny EHEHEH

OH GOSH. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN. ON HIATUS FOR CENTURIES.

I ponned school today in a bid to catch up with work. Look how well that idea turned out. HAIYA. LIT ESSAYS ARE ANNOYING AND PAINSTAKING. Ahem, I shall refuse to turn into those who use blogs as a platform for whining and talking about how the planetary orbits revolve around themselves. Actually, when I read through my previous posts, I couldn't stop cringing (HMMM MOSTLY SMILING LARH ARH) when I kept talking about me me me.

So, we shall see a change todayyyyy. I think. I'll try then.

HMMMMM. GLOBAL WARMING. VERY DEBILITATING. HUMANS. CANCEROUS LEECHING IGNORAMUSES. RESPONSIBLE FOR OWN JUDGMENT DAY.

Yup that's enough about global affairs. Time to get in touch with me feeeelings now. HAHAHAHA. I'm so capricious GOSH.

IT's fast. the pace of every single thing. The good times don't last long enough, the Stygian gloom lasts too long. Is this how it has to be till the day we relinquish our last breath?

I keep panicking about my studies; the teachers are already on to me for my seemingly more slackish behaviour. I have no idea how I've become like this; perpetually pale-looking figure that has to procure energy to assure my classmates that I'm still as they saw me at the start of the JC life and not the moody state that was normalcy at one point of time during TK.

I was typing out my Lit essay before this and I fear that there are already interstices of resolve (and sanity?) apparent here:

"In Charlotte’s case, i do not knowwwwwwwwwwww hot to identiry thjis is very very complex and confusing entity that is character without dooign a character study when i t is essentially a character study isn’t it? I do not know how to keep within an intangible and undefinable boundary and then categorise the characters involved oh no how do i do this should i end up being a monk in china tear up my bank book just like he did and then just gooooooooo to never neverland and search for the elusive meaning to live and live for the sake of experiencing the essence of what keeps us from plunging down to the place where fires burn unquelled and live in misanthropic states and just not think about work and worrrrryyyyyy fervently about anything and everything and let go of the conscious mind and delve into the depths of the unknown a;though risking effrontery and breaching the confines of the invisible space confounding all and none. This night’s a perfect shade of dark blue."

Ask labs about the sudden monk-in-China episode. How depressing.

OH NO. I MUST NOT GET DEPRESSED.

Let's all meet up at least one day during the holidays (a picnic of sorts?) and drink NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES OR THE ONES THAT ARE CLOSEST TO THAT (OKAY JACQIE) and refuse to do our work. Stop the entire running of the world for just one day. And talk about our INTERESTS and not even SMELL the topic of school and revision. I want to suspend belief of reality just once before it will truly be elusive (until after A's I know, but AIYO SO FAR AWAY CAN-WAIT, NOT REALLY. ARGH.).

Oh no I sound so melodramatic. crap. Not the best state of mind to blog, i suppose. Anyways, back to work. Till the next update ladies, and snooping unwanted strangers who should just mind their own business (aka a certain chipmunk).

- The Incestuous Daughter (NYAHAH. U LIKE, I KNOW.) :3 MEOW. TIS NO MONKAY, IS CAT.

Feeling like CRUD.

Juno is AMAZING.

AND I'M REAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY SORRRRRYYYYY I DIDN'T WATCH IT FIRST WITH LAYZIE VICK AND JACQ OKAYYYY. PLEEEAAAASE FORGIVE ME. *PUPPY DOG EYES*

AND YUP I'M UPDATING.

After CENTURIES.

Although i have endlessss snowballs to squish and liquidate.

GOSH GOSH HOW I'VE MISSED TALKING TO YOU GIRLS.

After the discourse that i've shared with Jacq, Vick, Layzie..... And after VALENTINE'S REALLY. I realise that. I really do NOT want a relationship? Like Vick said, I REALLY prefer spending time with my girlfriends rather than go out with... THE ENEMY. eheheheee. AND. IT'S REALLY TAKING UP MY PRECIOUS TIME FOR STUDYING. GOSHISOUNDLIKEABLEDDYNO-LIFE-MUGGEREYEEEEERRRRR. Unless, OF COURSE. TIS FOR MY BABES. :D And you have permission to slap me if i become a hypocrite, KAY. :D

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't you, forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see
in anyone else, but you.

Kay time to defecate myself from all this excrement of homework. Sorry for the horrible imagery. :D

-The Apologetic One

RARRRRRR!!!

WAT?

DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME?

IS THIS BLOGGER WHO IS MOST FAMOUS FOR NOT BLOGGING ACTUALLY..... BLOGGING? THE NEXT DAY ITSELF?

SMACK ME BOSOM IF I'VE SEEN SUCH A THING.

YEAH YEAH PUT A SOCK IN IT. :D

WAHAHAHAAHAH. That was fun. :) Since it is the holidays i shall make an extra effort to blog more often. NYEHEH.

Me watched Stardust today. In the cinema. HAIYEE. HAIYAA. HAIYOOOO. It is. Visually arresting. Captivating. You are pulled into the fantasy world outside Wall itself then.

BUT. BUT. I CANNOT KEEP ME SILENCE(not that I ever did-me was blabbering abt the flaws when the credits rolled) WHEN INJUSTICE IS BEING DONE TO THE BOOK. INJUSTICE TO GAIMAN I TELL YOU. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THE MANY MANY MANY MANY LOOOOOPHOLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. HOW I WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP AT THEM. I know no director can make an adaptation that is faithful to the book till the last bit BUT. HOWEVER. NEVERTHELESS. 'What do stars do?' We SHINE?!?!?!? OH PLEASE. HOW DOES SHINING MAKE AN EVILLLLL WITCH EXPLODE TO STARDUST(IRONY) BITS??? U MEAN THE CHEEEEEEESY LIGHT OVER DARK? ALAMAAKKKK. Then WHY OH WHY did she not 'shine' SO MANY times before that scene? So that the story can be prolonged right. AWWWWW MANNN. That is some SERIOUS FLAW THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHENDEZ.

FURTHERMORE. Imagine this. You're fighting these evil witches right. And there's this woman who is in the witch lair too. So WHO KNOWS. She just MIGHT be eviil too. Then you are about to strike her. Then she hurriedly tells you that she's your mother. Would you believe her like. STRAIGHT AWAY? REHEEEEEELLLYY. I kid you NOT. TRISTAN ACTUALLY TRUSTS HER JUST LIKE THAT. Because you see, covering up that loophole will just cut down the time needed to show Robert de Niro sashaying in a dress and embracing his feminity. Again. I KID YOU NOT. T_T

Injustice to the author. But I shall torture you with no more flaws. Like how candles of Babylon can be bought 3-for-$1 or how Tristan had the numbing idea to collide himself against the carriage in order to stop it. Nay, I shan't mention that. :D

So what should you do to ease yourself from all of these troubles? Simple. Read the book itself. It will enchant you. :) EXCEPT FOR JACQIE SHE'S AN ANOMALY. NYEHEHEH.

Kay. My ramblings shall stop here for now. Me dad's urging me to watch 'Meet Joe Black'.

Can't wait to spend time with me girlllfrieenndsss tomorrow tomorrow. :D

- The Infuriated One